Valentine's Day

For many people Valentine's Day is full of romance, chocolates and flowers. But family support charity Scottish Marriage Care (SMC) is urging couples not to rely on occasions like Valentine's Day to keep their romance alive and relationship strong.

Recent research has found couples wait an average of eight years before seeking help, which in many situations can be too late. SMC recommends couples use Valentine's Day as an opportunity to reassess their relationship with 'FOCCUS' relationship inventory and 'REFOCCUS' relationship MOT.

"Many people say 'love conquers all' but that's not always true. The romantic phase of falling in love doesn't always last. Good marriages don't just happen, they are constantly evolving and changing and need to be worked at. The key skill is communication and being able to negotiate; relationships need constant attention," said SMC Chief Executive Mary Toner.

SMC offers pre-marriage relationship services in the form of 'FOCCUS' (Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study). 'FOCCUS' relationship inventory helps couples learn more about themselves and their unique relationship, raising awareness of the key components of a successful relationship. 'FOCCUS' is not a pass or fail test and cannot predict marital success or failure but it highlights the areas where the relationship could be developed. 'FOCCUS' is a supportive, helpful, positive process for couples before they enter into a committed relationship. 

"Many couples plan their wedding but fail to plan for their marriage or life long commitment. The early stages of a relationship are often filled with romantic gestures and about making your partner feel special. After a couple has been together for a while it's very easy to take each other for granted and romantic sentiments are neglected or forgotten," said Mary Toner.

There were 10,940 divorces granted in Scotland in 2005. Although this figure was down on the preceding year (11,227 divorces in 2004) the marriage rate is falling faster than the divorce rate. 30,881 marriages were celebrated in 2005 compared to 32,154 in 2004, a drop of four percent. The corresponding reduction in divorce was two percent. 

It has been estimated that family breakdown costs the British economy between £15 and £20 billion each year, approximately £4 billion  in Scotland. The figure relates not only to the direct financial cost of divorce for families but also the workplace as employees take time off work due to related health problems such as depression and increased stress. Young people experiencing family breakdown are more vulnerable to mental and physical illness, are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, engage in youth crime and underachieve in school. They also have an increased risk of developing relationship difficulties themselves later in life.

"Damaged relationships don't need to end in separation, divorce or acrimony. SMC provide a range of relationship support services that can help individuals, couples and the wider family, including children, work through their issues and thrive. Relationship counselling works; approximately 80 percent of our clients stay together after seeking our help," said Mary Toner. 

For further information, please contact:

Mary Toner, Chief Executive
Scottish Marriage Care, 72 Waterloo Street, Glasgow G2 7DA

Phone:0141-222 2166
Fax: 0141-222 2144
E-mail: Info@ScottishMarriageCare.org

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